NEW PLAN (in 9 Easy Steps)

9 for 9.

This has been a crazy day for Celtics Nation.  But don't worry -- I've got a plan.

And it's already underway.

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1.  Rally without your fallen leader and Beat the Heat in 2OT.

Lolz, Shane Battier.

2.  Sign D West.  (Holler, Gethin Coolbaugh.)

Ready for Act III.

3.  Make the playoffs -- just do it.

It's where we belong.

4.  Roll through rounds 1-3 with SO MUCH UBUNTU.

HECK YES IT IS.

 5.  Read the 500,000 word "Ewing Theory" column from Simmons.

Inevitable.

6.  SO much Ubuntu... ON DUCK BOATS!

Rolling rallies FTW.

7.  Ladies and gentlemen... Banner 18.

#poorfontchoices

8.  Re-active a re-inspired, re-energized Rondo midseason for the defending champs.  Watch him play like he's on national TV every night, average a triple double, make first team All-NBA Defense, and win the 2014 MVP.

#quickphotoshops

9.  Sometime in the late 2020s, send no. 9 to the rafters on its own, new banner (alongside our 20+ championship banners).  During the ceremony, watch as Ray Allen takes the mic, weeps openly, apologies for everything, and recieves a standing O -- this time, without any boos.

#quickphotoshopsWITHpoorfontchoices

...And there we go.  Rest easy, Celtics Nation -- we have a plan.

You're welcome, Danny and Doc.

"Thanks, MercerJersey.com!"