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| Ray Allen has fallen in with a bad crowd. |
I've always been a little resentful of the "Heatles" nickname.
Yes, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh garnered Beatle-esque media hype and fan attention from the get-go -- I get it. But as an unabashed post-Decision Heat hater and a huge Beatles fan, I've never felt totally comfortable linking the prima donnas from Miami with the lads from Liverpool. Such an awesome band deserves equally awesome basketball counterparts (which is why "Run-T.M.C." worked so well).
Plus, I always thought, how could we compare a team built around a triumvirate to the Fab Four? That's just bad math. And while journalists and amateur Photoshoppers alike awkwardly tried to shoehorn various Pete Bests into the role of "Fourth Heatle" (from Mike Miller to Norris Cole, Coach Spoelstra to Emperor Riley, and even the artist formerly known as Juwan Howard), nothing quite worked.
Until now. Official as of this past Wednesday, Miami has finally found a worthy Ringo in Walter Ray Allen.
Problem is, of course, that Ray was already part of a pretty good band -- one that Celtics fans were quite fond of, and one that won't be as easily forgotten as Rory Storm and the Hurricanes.
It was a group that actually laid claim to a Beatles-inspired nickname years before LeBron took his talents to South Beach.
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Back in the summer of 2007, you might recall some minor controversy over what to call the new trio of All-Stars assembled in Boston by Danny Ainge. The nation-wide brainstorm even inspired a highly enjoyable "This is SportsCenter" ad.
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| "The Parquet Posse!" |
It's a distant memory now, but, before so-called "super teams" came into vogue, the "Big Three" moniker was considered too hallowed to be thrown around carelessly. So, for their first year together, that phrasing was always used with some degree of caution.
"We've done nothin' -- they put us together," explained Kevin Garnett during a preseason interview, capturing the general public's sentiment. "We gonna be whatever we gonna be startin' with this right here. We've done nothin'."
"With that said, we're the 'C'-tles," he offered. "The 'C'-tles, like the Beatles? The 'C'-tles... And I'm Paul."
It was clearly a lighthearted idea -- "And I'm Paul" was punctuated with a howling laugh and a pat on the Truth's then-bald dome -- and it never gained much traction. After the 2008 championship run, the new "Big Three" label stuck, and that was that. But, over the years, as the "Big Three" quickly expanded to the "Big Four," the discarded Beatles comparison only grew more fitting (even as LeBron claimed it for his own).
Introducing...
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| Sorry, KG. |
Kevin Garnett as Paul McCartney John Lennon: Inexhaustiby passionate with his emotions always on his sleeve, KG is much more a kindred spirit with the legendary peace activist than the guy who wanted to fill the world with silly love songs. Moreover, few can match the vocal-cord-shredding prowess of this pair, from "Twist and Shout" to "Anything is Possible!" and that trademark JumboTron roar.
Paul Pierce as Paul McCartney: Lennon famously derided McCartney's penchant for writing "granny music" (songs recalling a pre-rock, dance-hall style like "Honey Pie," "Martha My Dear," and "Maxwell's Silver Hammer") and many snicker at Pierce's wide array of earth-bound hesitation moves, pump fakes, and step-backs (a bag of tricks reminiscent of crafty old men with knee braces at your local YMCA). Yet those throwback tracks remain favorites with many fans, and Paul's throwback game remains lethal. Also: They're both named Paul.
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| There we go. |
Rajon Rondo as George Harrison: The youngest of both groups, the Quiet Beatle and Quiet Celtic both blossomed over time to rival their leading bandmates' greatness, George penning tunes like "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," "Here Comes the Sun," and "Something," and Rondo submitting one virtuoso playoff performance after another.
Ray Allen as Ringo Starr: Perennially underrated by outsiders (remember that stretch when Bill Simmons insisted on calling the Big Three "the Big Two Featuring Ray Allen"?), Ray and Ringo were always appreciated by fellow musicians and NBAers. Ringo never played a drum solo on a Beatles album until The End and the Celtics rarely called plays for Ray, but both knew their roles and executed them with steady precision.
*Summoning my best Ed Sullivan voice*
Ladies and gentlemen... A group MUCH more comparably awesome to the Beatles than the so-called "Heatles"... The "C"-tles!
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| Now there's a band. |
...And now they're gone.
Ringo almost quit the Beatles first, too. During the White Album sessions in '68, Starr decided he'd had enough with the increasing divisions and bickering within the group. He informed his fellow Beatles that he was leaving the band and flew to the Mediterranean for a "holiday" (I'm fluent in British!) aboard actor and friend Peter Sellers' yacht. But it didn't take. After two weeks of coaxing -- including a flattering telegram reading "You're the best rock 'n' roll drummer in the world. Come on home, we love you." -- Ringo rejoined the Beatles for their home stretch as the World's Greatest Band until their full-fledged breakup in 1970.
When Ray flew to Miami early this month to meet with Heat officials and contemplate quitting the band, many Celtics fans figured things would play out in a similar fashion with our Ringo. With KG back in the fold and Danny ranking re-signing Ray as his new "no. 1 priority," we all hoped a little time, space, and sweet talk would keep no. 20 in green and white -- keep the old band together for a few more years until the time came for a full-fledged breakup.
But why, Ray? Tell Me Why!
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| Because pink is all the rage in South Beach? |
For Part Two, click here.
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