This new season's, like, PERFECT right now

I thought about how you played the last two games.

About how you're 2-0, and how you won both games by 20 points.  About how you did it all with a healing Rondo on the sidelines, surely readying himself to put his best foot forward in a contract year.  About how Evan Turner actually looked like a no. 2 pick in game no. 1, and how Sully shot the lights out in Hartford.

I stayed up half the night thinkin' about it.

Then, something occurred to me.  And I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep, and I haven't thought about you since.  You know what occurred to me?

It occurred to me that there are two certainties in life:

1.  The NBA preseason is meaningless.

2.  The sole exception to this rule will be this preseason for these 2014-2015 Celtics!  With performances like you turned in against the Sixers and Knicks, we can now safely assume you'll win 40+ games and compete in the lackluster East.

How d'ya like them apples?

It's a little difficult to explain how I arrived at that second certainty.  But I swear I figured out the math.

It was mostly on my bathroom mirror, though, so I can't "show my work."

Look, this new season's, like, PERFECT right now.  My team's off to a WICKED good staht.

Don't try to ruin it by pulling old preseason stats from Basketball-Reference.com or something, you mathematical dick.