Monday, November 11, 2013

Celtics Top Ten: Ways the Celtics can Legitimately Contend This Season

BUY DAVE'S HAT!  $23.95 on Amazon (5 available).


A three-game win streak culminating in a thrilling victory over the Heat has Celtics fans buzzing.  Chatter about "tanking" for Andrew Wiggins or Julius Randle has quickly given way to playoff talk.

But why stop at the playoffs???  Last I checked, we're the Boston Celtics and IT'S ALL ABOUT 18.

And so, today's edition of Celtics Top Ten is: "The Top 10 Ways the Celtics can Legitimately Contend This Season."


Number 10...
After assembling an elite team of the world's smartest-but-sleaziest doctors, Rick Pitino is forced to eat his (decade-plus old) words as we bring back the original Big Three!



Number 9...
Using a similar team of scientists, we harness the ability to steal basketball talent and BECOME MONSTARS.



Number 8...
"Homer at the Bat"-style mishaps befall all of basketball's non-Celtic stars (e.g., Kevin Durant OD's on nerve tonic, suffers gigantism).



Number 7...
Snapping under the pressure of succeeding David Stern, new commissioner Adam Silver arbitrarily folds the NBA into a more manageable four-team league.



Number 6...
The guys grow beards and let unstoppable camaraderie take its course!



Number 5...
Or we sign the ever-mystical Jonny Gomes to our 15th roster spot (which would presumably have the same effect).



Number 4...
Jeff Green continues to develop until he's The Biggest A-hole in Basketball.



Number 3...
Rajon Rondo returns from injury as the silky-smooth-shooting SUPER RONDO!



Number 2...
This one's a long shot – teams don't just let these types go! – but we try to acquire a few savvy vets who provide leadership, crunch-time scoring, and strong interior defense.



And the Number 1 Way the Celtics can Legitimately Contend This Season...
Celtic Pride-style kidnappings.


No comments:

Post a Comment